Why have You forsaken Me?

The above photograph was taken by me during a tour of "The Holy Land Experience" in Orlando, Florida. I am 150 feet away and the portrayer of Jesus Christ on the Cross is 35 feet above the ground and yet, I cannot take my eyes away from His face strained with pain and the weight of the world's sin resting upon His shoulders.

This photograph was taken during the second portrayal of the day and I thought perhaps on the second time around I wouldn't sob, as I did from my seat in the first portrayal. I was wrong. This portrayal was in the afternoon and I was standing to the right of where the King of kings was pushed down to the concrete as He is lead through the streets right by me! Right in front of me!

I thought I would, having seen many portrayals of the beating and crucifixion of Jesus, would be more methodical in my observation of the "dramatic portrayal" of the event that changed my life and millions more people's lives. On the first viewing, I was sitting on a bench in a pre-arranged area and I had one napkin left over from our lunch... I needed more.

Honestly, I thought I would watch this live drama and appreciate it's accuracy despite the circumstances the weather might infuse into the drama. I thought I could watch with my camera and while moved by the portrayal, I would keep it together. I was wrong. There was an amazing lady and her sweet child sitting next to Colleen; June and Inae... We soon would be linked by sorrow, sobbing, and then joy. Colleen gave away half of my lone napkin to June because maybe she thought she wouldn't be as moved as she was. She was wrong.

When Colleen mentioned the last showing of the day, I said I wanted to see it, but I wasn't as emotional this time, though I knew what to expect, or so I thought. From the perspective of being streetside as Jesus was thrown to the ground with the cross on His back He actually slid on the ground as a result of the force applied to Him by the Roman guard. I found myself wanting to pass the red lines on the roadway to go push the guard away, to help Jesus to safety.

As the moments passed, the singers reaching into my soul and finding lots of tears, I found myself looking into the crowd, watching the faces of the hundreds of people watching this presentation. The faces were contorted, drawn, and deeply sorrowful. Even the children were frozen in their places witnessing this moment in history, as was I.

I found myself swelling with guilt, just wanting to tell this Jesus, "I am so sorry for what I forced you to do!" Then I realized, I didn't "Force" Him, He went willingly. My eyes strained to focus through the torrent of tears, salting my sunburned face as they fell to the ground weighing heavily upon my heart. I tried to focus and photograph the portrayers as they most excellently portrayed their respective characters. All I could think was, "I am guilty, it is my fault..." I saw the same look on many people's faces.

I saw as Jesus looked into the sky at His Father, Jesus looking at me and my disappointment to Him... I saw my sin nailed upon that cross and I felt guilty because I am.

I can also hear Him reaching out to me, forgiving me, loving me despite me sins. I repented, and continue to repent, trying desperately not to forsake Him again...